Is There a Downside to Forgiveness? We Don't Think So

A friend sent us a link to an article that made us look twice at the title -- "Forgive and forget? Not if you know what's good for your marriage. Holding a grudge can actually help keep bad behavior in check, study suggests." This is a study we think needs clarification.

First off, we don't believe that forgetting goes hand in hand with forgiving. Just because we forgive someone doesn't mean we no longer remember what happened.

Second, just because we forgive someone doesn't mean we condone the behavior that was inappropriate, mean, selfish, hurtful, wrong, immoral, illegal, dumb, etc. The article mentions saying "it's okay, honey." Well, that phrase is condoning -- not forgiving.

Third, being forgiving doesn't turn us into doormats. Not speaking up and not sharing our feelings when we are upset or angry out of a fear of rocking the boat is what turns folks into doormats.

Happy couples fight and healthy spouses know how and when to forgive and how and when to apologize!

We agree with psychotherapist Tina B. Tessina who is quoted in the article: "You don't have to condemn your partner to be wary of his or her out-of-control or thoughtless behavior. Instead, you can recognize that both of you are fallible human beings, do what is necessary to fix the problems, and then forgive each other."

Okay. Vent over. What are your thoughts on being forgiving in your marriage? Do you agree with the article and think holding a grudge is a good idea?

View the original article here