The Basics Of Marriage Counseling

Stephen Kreutzer

Almost half of all marriages end in divorce. That is why there is an increase in couples seeking marriage counseling. Nobody wants to think that the marriage they are in will end. Marriage counseling offers a way for couples to work thorough problems with an outside influence. Marriage counseling can help couples to rebuild a marriage that was on the way to divorce.

Marriage counseling is a type of therapy that helps married couples resolve problems they may be having in their marriage. Most often counseling is conducted with both partners present. However, sometimes there will be individual sessions depending on the couples needs. The basis for marriage counseling is research that has shown problems in a marriage are best solved through communication and working together. Marriage counseling usually lasts a short period of time, until the problems are resolved and the marriage is back on track and the couple can handle problems on their own. In a session the counselor will ask questions, listen and analyze problems. The counseling usually starts with an analysis of the marriage and its problems. Then the problems are worked through to an amicable conclusion.

Marriage counselors are trained in psychotherapy. They also have an understanding about families, how to understand client's needs and problems. They also have training that allows them to help clients work through the problems to reach conclusions. All of this training lets them be able to identify underlying problems. A good marriage counselor will not make a client feel guilty or blame. They will teach clients to work through problems and get over bad feelings.

Marriage counseling can help couples open the lines of communication. Communication has been shown to be the key to a healthy and happy relationship. Couples with problems seek marriage counseling o get a better understanding of what has went wrong in their marriage, so they can once again have a string marriage.

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Timely Counseling Can Save Your Marriage

Robert Kokoska

The sad fact is that far too many people wait too long before going for marriage counseling. Counseling has the potential to save marriages, by providing a space in which couples can explore their sources of conflict and arrive at a new understanding of their relationship and each other. Unfortunately, many people tend to hesitate before going into counseling. For some, counseling may even seem like an admission of failure. That's truly unfortunate, because it's far from true, but that perception can be very influential.

Timely counseling can save your marriage - if both partners are commited to the marriage and to the counseling process. The time to seek it out is not after the damage has been done, and your marriage and home environment are becoming contentious and inhospitable. Rather, the time to take this step is as soon as you notice that issues are coming up for you, or communication is breaking down. As mentioned before, for counseling or therapy to be helpful, both partners must be absolutely commited to the process. They must be willing to participate fully, with the intention of improving and saving the marriage. If one partner has already detatched himself, mentally or psychologically, the counseling process willb e useless. At that point, individual counseling is usually what is needed, and the chances fo saving the marriage are slimmer.

Of course, there are other actions you can take to save your marriage. Some couples are able to do this themselves, without outside help. Others get through difficult times with the help of family and friends. Some marriages are even helped by individual therapy - not just to help you separate if needed, but to allow you to enter the marriage more fully. For example, sometimes your experiences in a previous relationship can carry over into your present one, or a traumatic event from the past can affect the way you function today. Your marriage might be bearing the strain of these past events. Having the courage to face these issues might be what is needed to save your marriage.

Ultimately, it comes down to your (and your partner's) level of commitment to the marriage. If both partners are fully commited, they will do anything that is needed to make the marriage work. Usually, that means they will be successful. Most marriages can be saved, and nowadays, we have plenty of resources open to us to help us do so.

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Does Marriage Counseling Work

Article source: National Directory of Family and Marriage Counselors at www.counsel-search.com

When considering marriage counseling, it's difficult not to wonder whether seeing a marriage counselor will actually work. This article provides some objective information based on data obtained from a national survey of marriage and family counselors and their clients. Also presented are several interesting opinions provided by individuals who have actually been through marriage counseling and were asked to comment on whether or not seeing a marriage counselor proved effective in helping their relationship.

In an article published by Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, clients of marriage and family counselors from 15 different states reported on their experience with counseling. The findings indicated that marriage and family counselors treated a wide range of issues in relatively short-term fashion, couple and family therapy are briefer than individual therapy, and that client satisfaction and functional improvement are quite high.

[*] Specifically, of clients from 526 marriage and family counselors in 15 different states:

98.1% rated services good or excellent
97.1% got the kind of help they desired
91.2% were satisfied with the amount of help they received
93% said they were helped in dealing more effectively with problems
94.3% would return to the same therapist in the future
96.9% would recommend their therapist to a friend
97.4% were generally satisfied with the service they received
63.4% reported improved physical health
54.8% reported improvement in functioning at work
73.7% indicated improvement in children's behavior
58.7% showed improvement in children's school performance
[*] Excerpted from

Shelly Phegley is a staff writer for The National Directory of Family and Marriage Counselors at http://www.counsel-search.com/ -A resource center for those facing mariage issues. Research counseling options near you.

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Why Marriage Counseling Doesn't Work Anymore

You never thought it would happen to you. But now here you are today... faced with the most important decision of your life.

No matter what circumstances led to the current condition of your marriage, all that doesn't matter anymore. All that matters now is that you need to find a solution to your marriage problems. You desperately want to keep your family together, but the problem is - you want a solution that works.

Most people think that when marriages take a turn for the worst; the only solution is marriage counseling.

But when you turn to marriage counseling, the focus is on behavior, action and doing. And in fact, it's very possible that you could DO all the tips, techniques and offered to you by your marriage counselor, yet still wind up unhappy and frustrated with each other. Why?

Pastor and international marriage expert, Mark Gungor's has one of the best answers I've seen. He makes a wonderful point that we just don't hear enough. Here's what he said:

"If your view of marriage is flawed, all the energy and strategy you are using (such as our marriage will be better if we just do this or change that) will end in failure...you must work on your marriage BECAUSE you believe it IS valuable, not because you are trying to make it valuable."

Did you know that most marriage counselors do not believe your marriage IS valuable? Many of them have already divorced, so why would they see your marriage as any more valuable than their own?

They believe marriage is simply expendable and that the kids will be ok. They hold the belief that not all couples are meant to be together which is why they are so quick to give up on your marriage.

Now I know I'm making a generalization about ALL marriage counselors and I do realize that there are some "renegade" marriage counselors who do not follow these beliefs. But based on the countless "horror stories" from the couples I've worked with over the years, these counselors are few and far between.

What kind of "horror stories" you ask? Good question.

I know this may be difficult to believe, but many of the couples I've worked with over the years who have attended marriage counseling told me that their marriage counselor actually advised them to DIVORCE!

These couples attended marriage counseling because they wanted to save their marriage, not hear from an "expert" that their marriage is hopeless!

In fact, there have been statistics recently that stated 80% of marriages that end up in divorce could have been saved if the couple had only received the proper help they needed.

And as time goes on...while our divorce rate continues to remain at 50%, the truth about marriage counseling is increasingly gaining more exposure with new alternatives to marriage counseling popping up all over the net.

Now the REAL question you must ask yourself is this...

If the two of you don't believe your marriage IS valuable, and worth doing every positive thing you can to make it healthy again (marriage counseling not in the list), then what hope can you have for your marriage?

The reason couples end up in the offices of marriage counselors is because they want somebody to help them do what they're not able to do... believe their marriage IS valuable. Talk to virtually any couple who has been to a marriage counselor and you'll find them in agreement.

But the sad truth is that most marriage counselors just don't believe marriage itself IS valuable.

What all this boils down to is this:

Marriage Counselors need to take a good look at their massive failure rate and realize that they're doing more harm than good.

Ultimately, the real reason for their failure to save marriages may have something to do with their initial schooling and education.

Most people don't know this, but marriage counseling as taught in universities isn't marriage counseling at all. It's therapy for individuals.

80% of all private practice marriage counselors in the U.S. say they conduct marriage therapy, yet only 12% are in a profession that requires them to take EVEN ONE course on dealing with couples, (Dr. William J. Doherty, Minneapolis MN)

As a result, they prefer to work with each person individually, instead of as a couple.

So my advice to you is...

If you're considering seeing a marriage counselor, take this as your alternative view. If your marriage problems persist, you're far better off with a weekend marriage seminar or a marriage coach than a marriage counselor.

In fact, do a quick search in Google for "alternative to marriage counseling". What you'll find is a variety of solutions that don't involve marriage counseling. And very often these alternatives are less expensive, less invasive and not at all emotionally draining - much unlike what you might find in traditional marriage counseling.

Get the full story on couples counseling and why it's not at all what it?s cracked up to be. For a solution-oriented marriage counseling alternative, visit Larry Bilotta's website at FulfilledCouple.com to get your marriage back on track and put an end to your marriage problems.

Family Marriage Counseling - Is it My Last Resort?

There is no marriage or relationship out there that is always smooth sailing. A marriage is never free from trouble, problems or obstacles. The main factor is when couples are faced with marriage troubles, how they navigate through those problems and coming up triumphant is important. Sadly, most couples look at family marriage counseling as a last resort to saving their troubled marriage from ending up in a divorce.

Think that way and you will definitely regret it later for not taking the option of talking to a marriage counselor earlier. Talking to a marriage counselor can be a proactive action to help couples stabilize their marriage and ensure that they stay married for a longer time. Through marriage therapy counseling, couples will learn to minimize conflict.

Conflicts in a marriage cannot be avoided. There are a variety of reasons that can cause a couple to have conflicts in a marriage. To err is human. Saying the wrong words at the wrong time can sometimes cause couples to clash. However, most conflicts in marriage can actually be readily resolved. However, there are some marriage troubles that do require help and intervention from others. When this happens, I highly recommend you seek help from a marriage and family counseling specialist.

Our marriage institution is so fragile now that the moment there is a sign of trouble, couples just give up. They believe the process of recovery is too painful and long to contemplate. When you try to solve your marriage troubles without help from a marriage counselor, it will seem like an insurmountable obstacle to face. However, as mentioned earlier, giving family marriage counseling a chance will help you build a more fulfilling, happy and stronger marriage.

Nevertheless, it is important that you do not have unrealistic expectations before meeting a marriage counselor. Results cannot be achieved overnight. Your marriage troubles take time to develop before it erupts. Hence both spouses must agree to invest their time and resources into fixing their troubled marriage. Any decisions into the direction of the marriage can only be determined by both spouses and not a marriage counselor. A counselor is there to only guide couples into making the right decision that is best for their marriage.

What will be the focus during family marriage counseling?

Almost all marriage therapist will advice couples to put their past behind. Couples are taught how to forgive each other. They learn how to trust and be compassionate again. Most importantly couples learn to start with a clean slate and make decisions that come from their hearts.

It is a common behavior for couples to use past transgressions as ammunition towards their spouse when new mistakes are made. The blame game can also be a contributing factor just to justify your anger every time a spouse stumbles. These are destructive behaviors that can cause repair in a marriage to hit the wall and can cause married couples to feel unhappy, exhausted and frustrated. Never justify your actions as an excuse to inflict hurt on your spouse just because they wronged you first.

Yes, the cost of marriage counseling does not come cheap. However, divorce proceedings are not any cheaper. Not to mention the emotional scars that accompanies any divorce, not only on couples but also on the children.

Seeking family marriage counseling when you try to fix your troubled marriage is a much simpler way for couples to discuss problems and issues that is affecting their marriage. It is done in an amicable environment with a mediator who has the same goal as you and your spouse - to save your troubled marriage. Surely, it is something worth considering and trying.

What you need to do next is discover if it is worth going for marriage counseling or lose everything you love. Imagine how your marriage will be after going through a successful Marriage Therapy Counseling Do everything you can to Saving Your Marriage because your troubled marriage is worth saving.