Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Marriage Problem Is Your Marriage Problem Severe Enough To Warrant Getting

Having a marriage problem can be agonizing especially if you're trying
to do all you can to make your
marriage work. Depending on how your
marriage was prior to thinking that
you had a marriage problem, you could
be in for a hurtful time if you don't
take a step back and look at your
marriage problem from a "helicopter"
viewpoint. To do that, you're going to
need to try to limit your emotional
stake in the situation which
admittedly is a difficult thing to do.

The first step in getting over a
marriage problem is to remember that
you aren't alone, lots of couples have
marriage problems that stem from all
kinds of different types of behavior.

Here's a partial list of marriage
problems that you may or may not be

Marriage problem #1: Lack of sexual
intimacy - a serious issue that you
must work through in my opinion if
your going to work it out.

Marriage problem #2: Exploding during
an argument, getting too emotional and
letting your temper get the best of
you - you need to learn to work
together and you can't do that if one
of you is getting too heated.

Marriage problem #3: Being selfish -
eventually this will catch up to you.
You should always think of your
partner when you think of yourself.

Marriage problem #4: Being dishonest -
another serious issue. If you cannot
be 100% honest and open with your
mate, you're marriage is most likely
doomed or at the very least unhappy.

Marriage problem #5: Teasing too much-
generally the husband does this but it
could go either way. If there's a
little bit of truth to the teasing or
there's a greater marriage problem
that incites the teasing, you could be
in for a long road to recovery
together. Chances are that you'll have
a lot more work to do to correct this
marriage problem.

Marriage problem #6: Not respecting
your spouse - this marriage problem
can result in all types of other
problems. If you are experiencing this
you must get to the root of this and
figure out why the disrespect is
present. If you aren't getting the
every day respect that you deserve,
make it a priority to not let this go
on another day.

Marriage problem #7: Not being
attentive to your spouse or not
listening to your spouse - men are
usually guilty of this marriage
problem but is isn't exclusive to the
weaker gender by any means. Really
listening doesn't mean obeying, it
means understanding what's important
to your spouse and acting accordingly.

Obviously there are many other things that could be labeled a "marriage
problem", you have to decide what
those are as they pertain to your

So, how do you figure out if a
marriage problem or problems are
severe enough to warrant a divorce?

You should first examine what your
marriage problem actually is and
decide if it is exclusively a problem
for you or if it is something that you
both consider to be a marriage
problem. If you are the only one who
sees the said action as a marriage
problem, you have to decide whether or
not that specific marriage problem is
being caused by you or whether it is
truly a problem brought on by your
spouse. If the marriage problem is
unique to you, seek some help from a
counselor and do yourself the courtesy
of trying to correct the problem
before you believe that you need to
run right out and get a divorce.

You'll be a better person for it
because you will have fixed something
within yourself.

However, if you truly believe that the
marriage problem is caused and
prolonged by your spouse, sit down
with yourself first and examine what
you believe to be the root cause of
the behavior that creates the marriage
problem. Make sure that you are being
logical when you identify the behavior
that you feel is causing the marriage
problem and try to recall if the
traits or behavior that you've
identified in your spouse
are 'fixable' in your mind...assuming
of course, that your spouse will agree
that you are right.

Next, approach your spouse with the
information that you've reflected on
and try to talk through the cause of
the marriage problem. Hopefully your
spouse will be open to constructive
discussion regarding the marriage
problem so you can work through it
together. If you cannot do work on the
marriage problem together, seek the
help of a mediator or marriage
counselor so you can actually talk out
the marriage problem logically. If you
cannot work it out after counseling,
deep self-reflection and discussions,
you should be able to decide whether
or not the marriage problem warrants a
divorce or not.

Of course, no one can decide this but

Karl Augustine

Author of "A Practical Guide To
Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A
Divorce", the eBook recommended by
counselors to thier clients.
Proven "Actions Items" to help you decide!
marriage problem

View the original article here

Monday, February 28, 2011

Successful Dating And Marriage

Chapter One

"In a high-divorce society, not only are more unhappy marriages likely to end in divorce, but in addition, more marriages are likely to become unhappy." -- COUNCIL ON FAMILIES IN AMERICA.


When Japanese government officials conceived building an airport in Narita, little did they know that the airport will later come to be associated with divorce. Even the engineers and architects, who dreamt up the plan, forgot to dream about wed locks and goodbyes. Morpheus, the god of dreams, did not remind them.

Now, the term Narita divorce, has been coined for the newlyweds who on arrival at Narita Airport after a honeymoon, immediately head to the court to file divorce papers. Bad word!

Marriages have been known to hit the rocks, the night after the weeding day. Some may wait to happen after the birth of the first child, while others may choose to divorce after their golden jubilee.

The story of broken marriages -- marital bliss turned marital misery, is worldwide. And this is happening despite an army of psychologists, psychiatrists, clergymen, and other counselors offering advice on marriage, including a horde of publications on the subject. People have even written best-sellers, offering advice on broken families. Ask Inyanla Vanzant, the author of the book, Yesterday I Cried.

Let's get some statistics. Britain has the highest divorce rate in Europe (4 out of 10 marriages), Canada and Japan (1 out of 3 marriages), Zimbabwe (2 out of every 5 marriage) and Spain (1 out of 8 marriages.) Also in Australia, divorce rates have quadrupled since the 1980's, and in the United States and other lands, teenage mothers and children born out of wedlock, have been on the rise.

In other countries, like Germany, the traditional family has totally been abandoned. In that country, single persons and individuals account for a majority of the families. And in France, people are marrying less, and divorcing more.

The effect of broken families -- the oldest human institution -- is already telling on us. What with the violence that we see around us today?

Family disintegration has led to the fall of great empires like Rome and Greece. May it not lead to the end of our civilization!

But why are married couples increasingly getting divorce certificates or simply living as roommates, or what has been called emotional divorce? Because they started their marriages with the wrong foot. And head to the wrong people to seek advice -- marriage counselors.

These series of articles will help you to get your marriage on a good start, and stay married. Because it will tell you God's view about marriage. And since God is the creator and originator of marriage, he is the best authority on this matter.

In these series, you will find answers to questions that you may have asked such as: How can I find a compatible mate? What are the rules of dating? How do I know if I am ready for marriage? What happens on the wedding day? What is needed for a successful marriage? How should disagreements be settled? What is my role in the family? How can a husband get his wife's respect? Why does a wife need her husband's love? Who is the decision maker? What about the children? And many more…

But first; folks, let us look out for the dangers in a marriage. Knowing these dangers, like a sailor knowing the location of the hidden rocks under the sea, will help you to find success in your courtship and marriage, sex and happiness.

So, what are they?

Chapter Two

"It seems much easier to fall in love than to stay in love." --DR. KAREN KAYSER.


Would you want to marry in haste and repent at leisure? No, folk. May that not be your destiny. But you see, marriage is like a packed theater with some uninterested spectators wanting to get out, and other interested ones waiting outside, wishing to get in.

If you think though that marriage can solve all of your problems, you are mistaken. Ask a married friend. But it can give you a measure of security and satisfaction if you play by the rules.

But we forget the rules before we rush into matrimony. And when a sailor forgets his navigation rules, he suffers a shipwreck.

You see, people enter into marriage relationships with little or no preparation. If you were entering the university for example, you will be asked to sit for a qualifying exam. You may even be asked to show other supporting qualifications like the TOEFL if you were heading for a U.S. university.

But these are small things compared to the permanent relationship of marriage. Yet the only requirement in the marriage registry is your signature. Nothing else.

However, there are dangers to watch out for just before you append your signature to that marriage certificate. And what are they?

Failed Expectations

People think of marriage as a kind of fiction story where the characters "live happily ever after." But it is never so. Because the great expectation of your Sleeping Beauty or Prince Charming may turn out to be a bad dream. The love, attention and support that you badly craved before marriage may turn out to be a tale of rejection and disillusion.


You may also discover after the marriage that both of you are poles apart -- with different interests. Those characteristics which were hidden before the marriage now becomes manifest. And it becomes a story of "if I had known." (No thanks to mismatch and your beguiling mate!)


Your Happy Valley or Fortunate Isles, now turns to be a battlefield of squabbling, fighting, and God forbid -- physical violence. The very sweet words, like honeycombs which were used to win your hand in marriage now become weapons of abuse and "war."


It may be that you will one day find yourself saying: "I am no longer interested." And then the marriage drags on and on, like a factory worker tolerating a bad job -- to keep body and soul together. And one day, apathy turns to hate, and you find yourself telling your partner that the "game" is up!


Do not deceive yourself thinking that money will make you happy. It does the opposite, says Paul Getty the American millionaire.

Now suppose there is bickering over money in a joint venture? Or suppose your previously rich spouse now suffers financial misfortune? And you who were used to summer holidays in the Virgin Islands, and cruising in yachts in the Mediterranean now see poverty and hardship staring at you in the face? What will you do?


You may find out that the love you had for your mate now begins to drop when children start coming in. The reason may be that you no longer have time for each other, or your mate is now getting old. Is it time to sue for divorce?


It may vex you to find out that you are living with an infidel, a betrayal of trust, and not a friend and confidant. Now, suppose you find out that your mate lied to you about his or her history before the marriage? Or what if you find that your mate was cheating on you -- committing adultery?


Suppose your partner starts depriving you of sex? Or what if sex, which was supposed for enjoyment now becomes mechanical? Some have even used sex as a bargain tool : Buy me a Swiss gold watch, and I will give you sex!

Some wives have woken up after the wedding day to find out that their husbands were impotents, or eunuchs. Husbands have also been told by their wives that they would die if they had sex together. Because they have husbands who satisfy their sexual desires in the spirit world! What would you call that?


This may also affect your marriage depending on where you live. Barrenness, miscarriages, unseen attacks, deaths and broken marriages have been supposedly caused by wicked spirits. Does this bother you? Maybe not. But know that wicked spirits exist.


If you allow your in-laws to intrude into your family, they may ruin your marriage. Both of you are now one, and should be able to solve your marital problems without frequenting your parents, or relations for advice.


What kinds of associates do you and your mate have? Are they unwholesome friends? They will not help your marriage. Know that bad company can corrupt good manners.

These are some of the things may shipwreck a marriage. They may not be the case with your family. But know that there is no perfect family on this earth. So there must be one kind of problem or the other in your family. Now what are required to make a marriage successful?

To be continued


ARTHUR ZULU is an editor, book reviewer, playwright, and published author. He also writes short stories, scripts, essays, and poems.
For his works and FREE helps for writers, goto:
mailto: controversialwriter@yahoo.com
Web search: Arthur Zulu

ARTHUR ZULU is an editor, book reviewer, playwright, and published author. He also writes short stories, scripts, essays, and poems.

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The Basics Of Marriage Counseling

Stephen Kreutzer

Almost half of all marriages end in divorce. That is why there is an increase in couples seeking marriage counseling. Nobody wants to think that the marriage they are in will end. Marriage counseling offers a way for couples to work thorough problems with an outside influence. Marriage counseling can help couples to rebuild a marriage that was on the way to divorce.

Marriage counseling is a type of therapy that helps married couples resolve problems they may be having in their marriage. Most often counseling is conducted with both partners present. However, sometimes there will be individual sessions depending on the couples needs. The basis for marriage counseling is research that has shown problems in a marriage are best solved through communication and working together. Marriage counseling usually lasts a short period of time, until the problems are resolved and the marriage is back on track and the couple can handle problems on their own. In a session the counselor will ask questions, listen and analyze problems. The counseling usually starts with an analysis of the marriage and its problems. Then the problems are worked through to an amicable conclusion.

Marriage counselors are trained in psychotherapy. They also have an understanding about families, how to understand client's needs and problems. They also have training that allows them to help clients work through the problems to reach conclusions. All of this training lets them be able to identify underlying problems. A good marriage counselor will not make a client feel guilty or blame. They will teach clients to work through problems and get over bad feelings.

Marriage counseling can help couples open the lines of communication. Communication has been shown to be the key to a healthy and happy relationship. Couples with problems seek marriage counseling o get a better understanding of what has went wrong in their marriage, so they can once again have a string marriage.

The Best Resources for Your Marriage

Slovenian Marriage License Information
If you've just set a date for your wedding and want to get married in Slovenia, don't let the marriage license laws of Slovenia put a dent in your wedding plans. Here's what you need to know and what documents...Do You and Your Spouse Look Like One Another?
In an article, "Why Some Old Lovers Look Alike", Ker Than writes, "We like people who look like us, because they tend to have personalities similar to our own...the longer we are with someone, the more similarities in appearance grow...partners...

Just Trust!
Your Guide to the Wonders Within You

View the original article here

Timely Counseling Can Save Your Marriage

Robert Kokoska

The sad fact is that far too many people wait too long before going for marriage counseling. Counseling has the potential to save marriages, by providing a space in which couples can explore their sources of conflict and arrive at a new understanding of their relationship and each other. Unfortunately, many people tend to hesitate before going into counseling. For some, counseling may even seem like an admission of failure. That's truly unfortunate, because it's far from true, but that perception can be very influential.

Timely counseling can save your marriage - if both partners are commited to the marriage and to the counseling process. The time to seek it out is not after the damage has been done, and your marriage and home environment are becoming contentious and inhospitable. Rather, the time to take this step is as soon as you notice that issues are coming up for you, or communication is breaking down. As mentioned before, for counseling or therapy to be helpful, both partners must be absolutely commited to the process. They must be willing to participate fully, with the intention of improving and saving the marriage. If one partner has already detatched himself, mentally or psychologically, the counseling process willb e useless. At that point, individual counseling is usually what is needed, and the chances fo saving the marriage are slimmer.

Of course, there are other actions you can take to save your marriage. Some couples are able to do this themselves, without outside help. Others get through difficult times with the help of family and friends. Some marriages are even helped by individual therapy - not just to help you separate if needed, but to allow you to enter the marriage more fully. For example, sometimes your experiences in a previous relationship can carry over into your present one, or a traumatic event from the past can affect the way you function today. Your marriage might be bearing the strain of these past events. Having the courage to face these issues might be what is needed to save your marriage.

Ultimately, it comes down to your (and your partner's) level of commitment to the marriage. If both partners are fully commited, they will do anything that is needed to make the marriage work. Usually, that means they will be successful. Most marriages can be saved, and nowadays, we have plenty of resources open to us to help us do so.

Are you seeking a happier marriage?

Learn the 50 secrets to a blissfull releationship!

The Best Resources for Your Marriage

The Marriages of Don Knotts
Don Knotts, considered by many to be "an icon" of the golden age of television, was married three times. Here's information about Don, his marriages, his children, and more. Read About Don Knotts' Marriages...Signs of a Low Sex Marriage
When your sex life lessens dramatically, it could be a red flag showing that there are other problems in your marriage relationship aside from the sex issue. In case you aren't sure what is meant by the phrase "low sex...

Just Trust!
Your Guide to the Wonders Within You

View the original article here

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Does Marriage Counseling Work

Article source: National Directory of Family and Marriage Counselors at www.counsel-search.com

When considering marriage counseling, it's difficult not to wonder whether seeing a marriage counselor will actually work. This article provides some objective information based on data obtained from a national survey of marriage and family counselors and their clients. Also presented are several interesting opinions provided by individuals who have actually been through marriage counseling and were asked to comment on whether or not seeing a marriage counselor proved effective in helping their relationship.

In an article published by Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, clients of marriage and family counselors from 15 different states reported on their experience with counseling. The findings indicated that marriage and family counselors treated a wide range of issues in relatively short-term fashion, couple and family therapy are briefer than individual therapy, and that client satisfaction and functional improvement are quite high.

[*] Specifically, of clients from 526 marriage and family counselors in 15 different states:

98.1% rated services good or excellent
97.1% got the kind of help they desired
91.2% were satisfied with the amount of help they received
93% said they were helped in dealing more effectively with problems
94.3% would return to the same therapist in the future
96.9% would recommend their therapist to a friend
97.4% were generally satisfied with the service they received
63.4% reported improved physical health
54.8% reported improvement in functioning at work
73.7% indicated improvement in children's behavior
58.7% showed improvement in children's school performance
[*] Excerpted from

Shelly Phegley is a staff writer for The National Directory of Family and Marriage Counselors at http://www.counsel-search.com/ -A resource center for those facing mariage issues. Research counseling options near you.

View the original article here

Does Living In A Loveless Marriage Necessarily Mean That You Should Get A D

Being in a loveless marriage is a frustrating predicament, but it may not necessarily mean that a divorce is eminent. Solving the quandary of a loveless marriage requires self-reflection to assess the situation, courage to try to create a team effort for the best decision with your spouse, and gumption to face the reality that a divorce may be the best solution for the loveless marriage.

But, before you jump right to the easy way out and decide on divorce, you should got through the process of making sure that you have logically thought through long-term implications of ending the loveless marriage.

Being in a loveless marriage and deciding whether to get a divorce based on this one fact alone is a misuse of an opportunity. Its not like deciding whether to stay married due to an extramarital affair or other marriage problems like abuse or living in a sexless marriage, choosing the right divorce decision when it comes to a loveless marriage is a totally different situation.

The opportunity is great to grow personally that is present when you're deciding about divorce because of being in a loveless marriage. Let's take a look at some of the items that are relevant to this situation regarding a loveless marriage and how you can approach this
time in your life from a mature standpoint and come to the right choice while growing at the same time.

Loveless marriage item 1: Define love as you see it and assess whether or not your spouse agrees somewhat with you, at least in a complementary fashion.

For a loveless marriage to be assessed properly, making sure your idea or definition of love is "clear" is a solid way to make sure that you know what you've lost. And, if your spouses idea of what love is differs from yours so much that you both can't somewhat reap the
benefits of love, you may need counseling to get to the root issue of your loveless marriage.

Loveless marriage item 2: Make sure that you are in fact out of love before you go further with steps to divorce or try to work it out.

Ask yourself, "Am I really out of love or am I giving up?". Keeping love alive can take work and strong communication with yourself and spouse. List the reasons why you think you're out of love and decide if those reasons prohibit a rekindling of love, assuming you were actually in love at some point. Being in a loveless marriage doesn't necessarily mean that it has to stay that way!

Loveless marriage item 3: Decide if you were ever really in love as you define love.

Your loveless marriage could have always been loveless, you may have just been to distracted to notice. You may have received other benefits from being with your spouse in the past that you aren't getting now and that could be why you're frustrated and living in a loveless marriage.

Of course, if you were in fact in love with your spouse at one time in the past, you both might not have done what needs to be done to keep love alive. Before you do anything about your loveless marriage, make sure you understand how your idea of love may have changed over time, and really contemplate if you were really ever in love.

Loveless marriage item 4: Assessing whether or not you need to be in love to stay married and if so, can your love be re-kindled?

This item regarding a loveless marriage is a crucial point in your decision making process. Some people stay married even when they are in a loveless marriage because the benefits they get from being married psychologically outweigh the need for love. These benefits could many things and could stem from lack of self confidence, money, fear of loneliness, etc.

If you're a person who needs love to stay married, make sure that you really think about how rejuvenate the love in your loveless marriage before you decide on divorce. If you're struggling regarding a decision about your loveless marriage, it means that it is worth fighting for.

If you really do soul searching and talk with your spouse openly about the lack of zest in your marriage in the hopes of making it better, you may find that your spouse feels the same way that you do!

Being a loveless marriage can be a drain on your day to day energy if you need love to stay happily married. If your marriage is worth it to you, be mature about the situation and do all you can to rekindle the love before you do anything else. If you do, you'll grow personally as
will your spouse regardless whether or not you get a divorce.

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Get A Prenuptial Agreement Before Your Next Marriage

While signing a prenuptial agreement can be one of the all-time romantic turnoffs, for people heading into their second marriage, a prenuptial agreement can give the trade-off of a better relationship through the security of financial and life planning.

A prenuptial agreement is a legal contract between two people about to marry, specifying how assets will be distributed in the event of divorce or death. A prenuptial agreement is a good idea, even if you aren't rich or own a home. It saves future arguments and can even save you money.

A prenuptial agreement requires that each partner prepare an inventory of assets owned before the marriage, and it allows you to establish your separate priorities about those assets.

Even if you do nothing more than that in your prenuptial agreement, this gives children from a previous marriage a chance to have half of that property and establish what belonged to Mom or Dad before the second marriage, and it establishes what you're taking with you should you leave the marriage."

Statistically, second or third marriages are more likely to result in divorce than first-time unions. Because of this, a prenuptial agreement is an especially wise idea.

•A prenup is important if one of you is wealthier than the other.
•If you have assets such as a house, stock or retirement funds, you should have a prenup.
•A prenuptial agreement is essential if you own part or all of a business.
•A prenup can discuss your wishes if you may be receiving an inheritance.
•If you have relatives who need to be taken care of, such as disabled children or elderly parents, a prenuptial agreement is very important.
•If you expect to receive a big increase in income because of a growing business, a prenuptial agreement can address this issue.
•A prenuptial agreement is essential if you have children and/or grandchildren from a previous marriage.

We recommend that each partner draw up a list of assets. Furthermore, for professional couples, prenuptial agreements can be the ultimate protection against all-too-common lawsuits or medical malpractice suits. You can't predict all of your life events, and prenuptial agreements are a means of keeping your own assets safe in the event of any financial problems that your spouse may experience.

Note that Legal Helper Corp. provides an easy-to-use, quick, and economical online method for creating Prenuptial Agreement. - http://www.legalhelpmate.com/prenuptial-agreement.aspx

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