Monday, February 28, 2011

Timely Counseling Can Save Your Marriage

Robert Kokoska

The sad fact is that far too many people wait too long before going for marriage counseling. Counseling has the potential to save marriages, by providing a space in which couples can explore their sources of conflict and arrive at a new understanding of their relationship and each other. Unfortunately, many people tend to hesitate before going into counseling. For some, counseling may even seem like an admission of failure. That's truly unfortunate, because it's far from true, but that perception can be very influential.

Timely counseling can save your marriage - if both partners are commited to the marriage and to the counseling process. The time to seek it out is not after the damage has been done, and your marriage and home environment are becoming contentious and inhospitable. Rather, the time to take this step is as soon as you notice that issues are coming up for you, or communication is breaking down. As mentioned before, for counseling or therapy to be helpful, both partners must be absolutely commited to the process. They must be willing to participate fully, with the intention of improving and saving the marriage. If one partner has already detatched himself, mentally or psychologically, the counseling process willb e useless. At that point, individual counseling is usually what is needed, and the chances fo saving the marriage are slimmer.

Of course, there are other actions you can take to save your marriage. Some couples are able to do this themselves, without outside help. Others get through difficult times with the help of family and friends. Some marriages are even helped by individual therapy - not just to help you separate if needed, but to allow you to enter the marriage more fully. For example, sometimes your experiences in a previous relationship can carry over into your present one, or a traumatic event from the past can affect the way you function today. Your marriage might be bearing the strain of these past events. Having the courage to face these issues might be what is needed to save your marriage.

Ultimately, it comes down to your (and your partner's) level of commitment to the marriage. If both partners are fully commited, they will do anything that is needed to make the marriage work. Usually, that means they will be successful. Most marriages can be saved, and nowadays, we have plenty of resources open to us to help us do so.

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